Friday, 31 December 2010

2:010 (Bsc. Hons)

I am thinking,

And I have absolutely no idea what it was I did nye last year.

I think I had stupid hair.



Oh yeh I did.

It's only taken a year to grow the left side of my hair back.

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Monday, 27 December 2010

Tron (t-r-o-n?)

I watched Tron: Legacy today, which was unexpected.









Daft Punk - Derezzed (Cassettes Won't Listen remix)

Career Aim #293939; To not only produce the soundtrack for, but also feature as a futuristic DJ in, a completely pointless eighties remake. If possible I would like it to star The Big Lebowski - as himself, similarly.

And if I get to pick I choose The Gremlins.

Thursday, 23 December 2010

It's never dull in a very frosty Hull

I used to live in Hull..



But now I live in a snow kingdom.

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Glamorous life of a seamstress

Last night whilst watching many a Sex and the City and knocking back a whole jar of Horlicks, I finally finished the mother of all knitting projects.



If the dog eats it I will create a scene that even tops the Spice Girls 500 piece jigsaw destruction tantrum of 1996.

Plus it caused serious injuries.



Although that may have been self inflicted in a bout of my hatred towards Carry Bradshaw.

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Sweet dreams are made of disease

Once again, I have woken up to Loose Women.

Not only do I feel ashamed of myself, I am now having to think about how Annie Lennox could of contracted HIV.



I assume she hasn't actually, as being Annie Lennox is probably a pretty effective contraceptive in itself.

Saturday, 18 December 2010

Don't bother telling them that dial tone ain't got no sole

I am aware that this song is not big or clever, and the dial tone snippet is lame - but it gets played pretty heavily in my ipod mind party.










The Limousines - Internet Killed the Video Star (The Soundmen Remix)

Thursday, 16 December 2010

Squatter nutbosh

I am aware some blogs include a 'what I am wearing' segment.

So I thought great, I can showcase some of my own designs.

It turns out tomorrow is 'dress down day' in the office for charity, so I created a neo-pagan influenced gown, a homage to the ancient tree spirit.

Of course with this seasons must have 'yule-tide twist'.



Serious though I did make it.

Monday, 13 December 2010

Christmas LOLZ



Family got owned by the tree.

Sunday, 12 December 2010

Witching not knitting

I am so into this witchy stuff at the moment.

I think it's through being tortured by long car journeys to various folk festivals, having to listen to Steeleye Span at the age of six.









Grass House - Mind Can Walk 'n' Wall Can Stay

Free to download - magick.
Grass House - Ant Giant Ant
http://holidayclubrecordings.co.uk/antgiantant/

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Don't blow your pants

One day a couple of years ago I saw Lykke Li and it was great because she had a scrunchy in her greasy hair and genuinely looked fucked. There's not a lot I like less than a clean living artist.



If I had no job, screw washing my hair.







Lykke Li - Get Some (Mike D Remix)

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

And we stay up as late as we like

Oh hey.



This was on Radio One a few weeks ago. Lovely yes?








Tokyo Police Club - Favorite Colour (PUNCHES Remix)

Blah blah blah so great yaaah?







The Streets - Going Through Hell (Diplo Remix)

This would make me feel like I could maybe be friends with someone 'rough'.







The Naked And Famous - Young Blood (Dekade Remix)

But lets be honest, I will be too busy dancing around to this.

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Canada Dreaming

I was excited about my jaunt to Canada in January, mainly because of the snow! Oh how exciting!

I can take such lovely pictures...



Turns out I hate snow.

Friday, 3 December 2010

Verbal Daria

After spending a lot of time watching bullshit TV thanks to an unfortunate bout of snow, I have been reminiscing of a time where less channels meant more compact shit entertainment.

Nowadays, there are many cheaply made time wasting programmes available, but with so many to choose from, I am left with a constant feeling that there could be something better on somewhere else.

Back in the days of the big five channels, there were still daylight periods of absolutely no televisual substance, but at least you could relax and let the programmes sweep over you knowing that this really was it.

Which led to programmes like The Tribe becoming truly enjoyable viewing. Channel 5's shining weekend morning glory - it was awful, but it was definitely all that was relevant to your maturity and taste at that moment in time.



Plus the main guy was hot even with feathers and make-up.

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Let us snow forward together



Stuck in the house, knitting a patchwork blanket for ma & pa, kind of like war time Britain, but with snow not bombs.



It's my brother's birthday today too so I gave him a homemade hat (#3).



Fur lined too, with wolf fur.

Monday, 29 November 2010

Witch hunt

I was still kind of angsty after Wagners exit.

I really wanted him to win, stage a revolution, topple the X Factor (whilst simultaneously funding it oops) and get trapped in a life long binding contract to work for Simon.

But then I realised, don't hate the player, hate the game.

So in an attempt to become submersed in the world of music's elitist sub genres, I came across this.



Turns out the Guardian already discovered witch house a few months ago. Oh well, on to the next one.

Friday, 26 November 2010

Down in the frumps

"I met this fellow two weeks a go, he's very nice... He's young too."
Loose Women today

Madly in love clearly. With some poor chap who said hi in the street.



Me, after my second failed marrige, I can feel it. When even eccentricity can't save you.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Dead Christmassy

I have major issues with people who give more money to animal charities than human ones, mainly because animals have teeth, claws and survival skills most babies and children don't posess. Plus they eat shit off the floor anyway.

However, the fact that these guys managed to get that "glamorised dog neglect" section of the John Lewis advert cut out is quite funny.



Mainly because they basically did the same advert last year , and were clearly trying again to flog the tasteful Christmas advert 'dead horse'.

Although aparently animal 'lovers' (slash eaters) have no problem watching a cow being patted, loved and cared for and then slammed in the oven and fed to children.

Sunday, 21 November 2010

Aah jeeze!

No wonder I liked that snivelly X Factor winners debut single!

They ripped it off, entirely.

Donkeyboy is a pop band from Drammen, Norway. With an awesome video.



Similar, no?

I totally should of done my research. Oh god. I started watching X Factor on the back of this!

TRICKED I SAY! DOWN WITH COWELL!

P!NK'S NOT DEAD

Pink is pregnant.



I assume it will be a tiddler of a baby as there's probably not a great deal of wiggle room in those tight ass man abs.

I am still bitter from the Stupid Girls video. It is not OK to poke fun out of Paris Hilton et al just because you're a less attractive version.

Saturday, 20 November 2010

'Arry Pottteerr!

Oh how excited I was for Deathly Hallows! Oh and it was wonderful.

Minus this bit.



No.

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Forgive me, Mr. Claus

It's almost near Christmas which I am very excited for, as I will be attending my first ever work Christmas party, we have a goose picked and ready and I have put in a good amount of present preperation.

Plus I get to listen to this again.



And I even did a bit of guerilla knitting (freestyle - no pattern) and created these little guys.



I'm hoping they're more 'one of a kind' than creepy, otherwise a small child will have a very upsetting Christmas day indeed.

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Jolly good

I honestly can't think of a better time for the Prince to get engaged.

We totally need a huge royal celebration to remind us all that posh people really are great and definitely need a lot more money.



Although they did recycle the ring.

Monday, 15 November 2010

Iron-ing Man

I was shopping online for expensive male jackets.

I came across this absolute treat.



Perfect Christmas present for that guy who has everything except a suitable way to waste a couple of grand that doesn't include charitable donations or doing anything worthwhile or creative with your dollar.

Sunday, 14 November 2010

As I lay whining

I have been doing some deep thinking today. I went on a night out last night for the first time in a few months and came to a chilling discovery.

I used to love nights out but now I do not.

I have retired from night time socialising. If you want to hang out call me in daylight hours thanks so I don't 'miss my programmes'.

This is a little distressing as nights out have been my entire focus for three or so years.

I think this is as a result of looking too much into the phenomenom. I think if I'm honest, the only reason I used to like going out was because it meant I could wear some pretty hilarious new clothes.



Yes there have been some real corkers.

But I'm very tired and dying now so I am going to sleep, maybe have a little re-think tomorrow..

Saturday, 13 November 2010

Young and zestless

Many people I come across seem to believe that muffins are pudding items - I find this ridiculous.

Would you find a muffin on a desert menu? No.

Would you find one of these lemony numbers I just whipped up this morning on the kitchen table for a mid morning snack?

Yes you would.



But mum said they weren't very lemony, so don't get too excited.

Thursday, 11 November 2010

Fight the shower

Although I think violence isn't the answer.
And peaceful protesting is key.

What else can they do..

Strike?



(l.o.l)

If you can't find a dog, knit one

My dog died under tragic circumstances a few years back.

It is well known that the real tragedy was that it was my parents who financed her murder.

So I have knitted a new one. I am debating giving it to my mum as a subversive Christmas gift.



Although I wouldn't mind something to stick on the end of my woolen dog lead.

Monday, 8 November 2010

Art-sy.

When strolling around the back of a redundant shopping center in Hull,
I came across this Plantsy Original.
And photographed it,
for your délectition.

Sunday, 7 November 2010

Scrumpdiddlyumptious

There's no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going
There's no knowing where we're rowing
Or which way the river's flowing
Is it raining?
Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane a-blowing?

Not a speck of light is showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the fires of hell a-glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes! The danger must be growing
[yelling]

For the rowers keep on rowing
And they're certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing!
[screams]

The Rowers - Roald Dahl (1959)



Rather a nice touch to slip it into Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) don't you think?

Saturday, 6 November 2010

Funny little critters

This is not a particularly hardcore post, although I did have to mutilate a toy pig to get the stuffing.

But.

LOOK WHAT I MADE.

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And yes I did set up a miniature photoshoot in my bedroom.

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What of it?

Thursday, 4 November 2010

..& another things

Listen to these wonderful delights also, they tickle a certain fancy.



Beautiiiiiiful.




For thinking, swimming and cooking.




For those days when I can't find what to wear.




I would like them as my knitting buddies.


Oh and I can't find any of these on youtube but maybe have a research...

Foster The People - Pumped Up Kicks (RLYNX Remix)
My favourite thing about my life.

The National - Afraid Of Everyone (We Plants Are Happy Plants Remix)
(CONSTANT REPEAT)

Swim Platform - Paranorma

Willow Smith - Willow Smith - Whip My Hair (Starfoxxx Remix f. Nicki Minaj)
Bit of a sore thumb here, but what the hell.

Tame that nasty shrew

I have been wrong about a lot of things, notably when I argued for two days that paraphernalia just meant things relating to lighters and matches and er.. paraffin type things.

I do think that country and western is the new folk though.



I hope cowboy boots stay away, else I shall be resorting back to dance music.

Sunday, 31 October 2010

The kids can't find my house

Hallow's eve,
Edgar Allan Poe,
red wine,
y'know.

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(After this BBC drama).

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Quick Jesus is coming

Despite being as spiritual as a potato, I have decided to embark upon a lifestyle change which I hope will turn out for the best.

I have always thought that Jesus seemed real great. So I shall attempt to adopt his attitude.

This involves sticking by the motto "what would Jesus do?".

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I shall let you know how this works out for me.

I just hate all these extroverted, obnoxious, pseudo-bohemian losers

I would kind of like to slink off to Toronto like the ending of Ghost World.

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But I chat too much.

I think even Enid Blyton is aware I'm leaving, and she may of been dead a while.

Sunday, 24 October 2010

A history of the world in my bed

As an avid listener of radio four (no joke) I have caught a thing or two about this programme they have called "A history of the world in 100 objects".

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Now, some of the objects were pretty good. A bone that showed the first mathematical understanding slipped in there, very interesting.

Most of the ancient stuff was OK in fact (I'm sure they will be glad to hear). My major concern was really to do with the winning object.

I think it may have been a joke, so let's hope so.

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This is a "Solar-powered lamp and charger". Mmmm-hum. This is it. Screw the wheel. A pretty poor source of green energy and a lamp. It's also clearly two objects.

It was chosen as it can "revolutionise the lives of poor people around the globe. The portable panel can provide up to 100 hours of light after just 8 hours of direct sunlight. It can also charge mobile phones and help bring power to millions of people around the world who have no access to an electrical grid."

Oh right yeh very helpful.

So I thought I had better add an item in myself.

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This may be a personal addition to the list, but for me this was a stand out object in my life and I think it signifies our generation.

I remember when I heard the rumours about these "furby" creatures around Christmas time when I was probably quite young. All these whipsers circulating about how you had to drown them in the bath or they would live on forever, constantly needing food and attention. Then I remember the horror of actually recieving one of these things on the big day. My brother had suffered something of a breakdown and thrown his tamagotchi away the year before - he just couldn't handle the responsibility. Now I was getting burdened with this living gremlin.

So I choose the furby as the first indication of a life to come, full of mindless technological advancements, no longer with the basic intention of making life more simple, but instead driven by a tiny minority who understand the workings of an i-phone, and basically ruin our lives with their constant cries for upgrading.

Saturday, 23 October 2010

I've never met a sheep with such a long dark face

I'm watching Babe which is pretty boring as I'm not a child, so I have been flicking through a selection of 1970's knitting books.

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'Stitches in Time' is a bit creepy as it choses to use mannequins rather than actual humans.

Which is a shame as there are some total babes in the other books.

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A decent offering from 'Designer Knitting'. I like her slutty yet naïve vibe.

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Although 'Knit Two' is definitely where the party's at.

I never thought knitting could be so dirty.

Thursday, 21 October 2010

I can't tolerate the feelings that I feel when I feel

Last year - I rooted for Olly Murs (and also that fit Lloyd child).

I was fairly detatched however, with the idea that the X Factor doesn't really matter to me because you know... I'd never buy the records anyway.

OH HOW WRONG WAS I.

I would buy this 15 times. I hate my stupid music snobbery for preventing me from hearing this till now, oh God I bet it has been out a while!



Sorry Olly.

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But your single did turn out to be pretty shit.

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Erm.

I used to shop a lot at American Apparel. To the point where I ran out of stuff to buy because I frequented it too often.

I miss it, now I have to live in a city with no such 'store'.

However, it turns out they (might) miss me.

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Although maybe they went a little less Primark spanks.


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Monday, 18 October 2010

Oh no.

I popped out my bedroom for a second to go and make some tea.

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When I returned, I realised what I had become.

I should probably start hanging out with kids my own age.

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

I don't do no washing up

The new Ikea advert - I'm a fan. It's like what I hoped would happen, adverts finally aimed at me.



I did a bit of research and this was a song from the eighties - identical in fact. This leads me to believe some guy/girl was sat listening to this, after finishing her degree in some ldn uni and getting a super cool job straight away, and thought hey what a great idea.



This trail of thought kind of ruined this for me.

I am quite jealous of such people, I had hoped that they would all sort of lack talent in reality.

In conclusion, although I enjoyed this advert initially, the feeling lingered. Unfortunately then it went on to make me feel a bit shitty about my own life, and finally it dawned on my that I couldn't even afford an Ikea kitchen anyway. I don't think this is the effect adverts are supposed to have on the viewer. Further, I have decided that I don't like being at an age where more and more adverts may awaken such feelings of discontent.

Which is why I shall just read (about times of austerity).

Friday, 24 September 2010

My miniature knitwear range

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The collection was finally ready.

Scuffed boots

I have decided to listen to 90's lo-fi for a week to see what happens. I'm hoping it will influence my style as I have always had difficulties sticking to muted colour tones.

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Pavement, particularly in this picture, shall be my style inspiration. I shall try and find graffiti-ed places to hang out

Come find me if you like misery and can hear the constant deflation of your sole.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

la la

Chewing my finger tastes like the dentist and my life sucks, but this makes me feel better.

Sunday, 5 September 2010

My first steps...

...to becoming a trendy twenty something Brighton-esque knitting WI neo-housewife.

I made a carrot cake as my first step. It was horrible - chewy and far too orange and flat.

My second hurdle was trying to find wool to begin my knitting. It turns out that it is most likely the wool that is the difficult item to find in a haystack, I came across the needles quite easily. Still have no knitted items as yet, but have plenty of cardigan ambition.

Despite these troubles however, I was able to impress my mum with a simple Victoria sponge. It was tasty, but I didn't get the smug feeling I was hoping for.

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Instead, I felt a bit like if I actually had anything better to do, I wouldn't be sat eating cake with my mum contemplating when to watch When Harry Met Sally.

In conclusion, I have found that whilst this role may not suit me, my increasing boredom and frustration with the suffocatingly mundane lifestyle I lead whilst I'm back home is sure to help me achieve my goals, in true 1950's housewife style.

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

RIPTV

I knew this would always happen, I experienced it in Liverpool many months previously but the emotional attachment (or possibly just inconvenience) was never there for me to prepare myself. Now I feel lost, confused. Finally empathetic towards the people they aimed the really slow, overly calm and simple digital switchover adverts at, all that time ago.

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They forgot about me though. I have a portable television suspended inches off my ceiling by a large metal bracket. How does a girl like me get a digital box for that kind of set up?

Do I take it off the bracket and place it slovenly on my desk?

Risk holes in my wardrobe where it once hung firm?

If I knew this would always happen, why does it upset me so?

It's the sad flicker of no signal, and the realisation that money needs to be spent.

But more than that, never again will I have the luxury of a ad-break game of Tetris thanks to my old skool tv with it's in built retro gaming remote.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Brother fucker

Super syked for you Jose.

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But me and tonnes of other girls are sleeping with him while you go back in that other house.

Friday, 20 August 2010

Joy ride on my tandem

Here is a rather literal picture of a heart on a sleeve (wrist).

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But this is a serious problem.

Especially when it involves homeless immigrants.

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Hey now (hey now)

Alexandra Burke, you have a very strange marketing campaign may I say.

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Alexandra Burke - sweaty.

Firstly I was confused as to why you would want your smash hit of the summer tune "All night long" to be plugged directly alongside a supermarket brand deodorant, particularly one marketed for extra smellies as it offers some sort of ultra protection.

And on that note, why chose to collaborate with Pitbull?

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He sings along to the popular "bonkers" generation rave tunes of the late 90's - kind of like a chap on the back of a bus with serious perma-gurn. I don't know if he's someone to pair up with so early on in your career.

However, in an attempt to move away from such a bitch and ho lothario, you agreed to cover the popular BELLE STARS 1985 hit popularised by it's use in the film Rain Man - Iko Iko.

I don't really get this decision either.



Maybe have a word ey.