The kids can't find my house

Hallow's eve,
Edgar Allan Poe,
red wine,
y'know.



(After this BBC drama).

Quick Jesus is coming

Despite being as spiritual as a potato, I have decided to embark upon a lifestyle change which I hope will turn out for the best.

I have always thought that Jesus seemed real great. So I shall attempt to adopt his attitude.

This involves sticking by the motto "what would Jesus do?".



I shall let you know how this works out for me.

I just hate all these extroverted, obnoxious, pseudo-bohemian losers

I would kind of like to slink off to Toronto like the ending of Ghost World.



But I chat too much.

I think even Enid Blyton is aware I'm leaving, and she may of been dead a while.

A history of the world in my bed

As an avid listener of radio four (no joke) I have caught a thing or two about this programme they have called "A history of the world in 100 objects".



Now, some of the objects were pretty good. A bone that showed the first mathematical understanding slipped in there, very interesting.

Most of the ancient stuff was OK in fact (I'm sure they will be glad to hear). My major concern was really to do with the winning object.

I think it may have been a joke, so let's hope so.



This is a "Solar-powered lamp and charger". Mmmm-hum. This is it. Screw the wheel. A pretty poor source of green energy and a lamp. It's also clearly two objects.

It was chosen as it can "revolutionise the lives of poor people around the globe. The portable panel can provide up to 100 hours of light after just 8 hours of direct sunlight. It can also charge mobile phones and help bring power to millions of people around the world who have no access to an electrical grid."

Oh right yeh very helpful.

So I thought I had better add an item in myself.



This may be a personal addition to the list, but for me this was a stand out object in my life and I think it signifies our generation.

I remember when I heard the rumours about these "furby" creatures around Christmas time when I was probably quite young. All these whipsers circulating about how you had to drown them in the bath or they would live on forever, constantly needing food and attention. Then I remember the horror of actually recieving one of these things on the big day. My brother had suffered something of a breakdown and thrown his tamagotchi away the year before - he just couldn't handle the responsibility. Now I was getting burdened with this living gremlin.

So I choose the furby as the first indication of a life to come, full of mindless technological advancements, no longer with the basic intention of making life more simple, but instead driven by a tiny minority who understand the workings of an i-phone, and basically ruin our lives with their constant cries for upgrading.

I've never met a sheep with such a long dark face

I'm watching Babe which is pretty boring as I'm not a child, so I have been flicking through a selection of 1970's knitting books.




'Stitches in Time' is a bit creepy as it choses to use mannequins rather than actual humans.

Which is a shame as there are some total babes in the other books.



A decent offering from 'Designer Knitting'. I like her slutty yet naïve vibe.




Although 'Knit Two' is definitely where the party's at.

I never thought knitting could be so dirty.

I can't tolerate the feelings that I feel when I feel

Last year - I rooted for Olly Murs (and also that fit Lloyd child).

I was fairly detatched however, with the idea that the X Factor doesn't really matter to me because you know... I'd never buy the records anyway.

OH HOW WRONG WAS I.

I would buy this 15 times. I hate my stupid music snobbery for preventing me from hearing this till now, oh God I bet it has been out a while!



Sorry Olly.



But your single did turn out to be pretty shit.

Erm.

I used to shop a lot at American Apparel. To the point where I ran out of stuff to buy because I frequented it too often.

I miss it, now I have to live in a city with no such 'store'.

However, it turns out they (might) miss me.




Although maybe they went a little less Primark spanks.

Oh no.

I popped out my bedroom for a second to go and make some tea.




When I returned, I realised what I had become.

I should probably start hanging out with kids my own age.

I don't do no washing up

The new Ikea advert - I'm a fan. It's like what I hoped would happen, adverts finally aimed at me.



I did a bit of research and this was a song from the eighties - identical in fact. This leads me to believe some guy/girl was sat listening to this, after finishing her degree in some ldn uni and getting a super cool job straight away, and thought hey what a great idea.



This trail of thought kind of ruined this for me.

I am quite jealous of such people, I had hoped that they would all sort of lack talent in reality.

In conclusion, although I enjoyed this advert initially, the feeling lingered. Unfortunately then it went on to make me feel a bit shitty about my own life, and finally it dawned on my that I couldn't even afford an Ikea kitchen anyway. I don't think this is the effect adverts are supposed to have on the viewer. Further, I have decided that I don't like being at an age where more and more adverts may awaken such feelings of discontent.

Which is why I shall just read (about times of austerity).