Tuesday, 13 January 2015

I don't think you can handle this

My New Years resolutions, by the way, are as follows:

1. Write a novel
                        ...well finish at least one of my current masterpieces; 
  • 'A Krokodil Love Story' 
  • The story of a girl who gets heavily into the occult and persuades her cat to bite off her friends nipple in a fit of rage - no title as yet
  • A short story of a thing of indeterminate identity walking aimlessly along a roadside - no title as yet
As you can imagine, they all have film potential and I will probably be the next JK Rowling by 2016.

Let me know if there is one that takes your fancy and I will write it just for you.

Also, let me know if you know of a friendly disturbed writing group I could join :)

2. Finally complete my journey to meet Sum 41

Many people ask me, why did you move to Canada?

My 13 year old obsession with Sum 41, that's why.

I am here on an extended pilgrimage to meet my teenage heroes, and so far I have only gotten as far as working with someone who's friend in high school shared a hot tub with Dave Baksh.

I refuse to believe that after living this close to Ajax, the mecca itself, for the last four years, this is as far as I have come.

This year I will be stepping up my game. Let it be known! We will become best friends god dammit it's written in the stars...

(If you are interested to know my track record, last year I resoluted(?) to run a marathon and do stand up so I'm statistically 100% likely to succeed this year.)

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